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randomxtra[0]='<div id="dearchristian"><br \/><br \/><br /><span class=bigger>B<\/span>itter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.<br /><br />Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we\'re the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we\'re the best."<br /><br />Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.<br /><br />"An axis can\'t have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it\'s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."<br /><br />International reaction to Bush\'s Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable...."<br /><br />With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren\'t the Worst But Certainly Won\'t Be Asked to Host the Olympics".<br /><br />Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That\'s not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.<br /><br />While wondering if the other nations of the world weren\'t perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in \'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.<br /><br />Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn\'t want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that\'s only because no one asked them.<br />--John Cleese<br /><br \/><\/div>';
randomxtra[1]='<div id="dearchristian"><br \/><br \/><b>14 Steps to Fascism by Laurence W. Britt<\/b><br \/><br \/>1. Powerful and continuing expressions of nationalism. <br \/><br \/>2. Disdain for the importance of human rights. <br \/><br \/>3. Identification of enemies\/scapegoats as a unifying cause.<br \/><br \/>4. The supremacy of the military\/avid militarism. <br \/><br \/>5. Rampant sexism. <br \/><br \/>6. A controlled mass media. <br \/><br \/>7. Obsession with national security. <br \/><br \/>8. Religion and ruling elite tied together.<br \/><br \/>9. Power of corporations protected. <br \/><br \/>10. Power of labor suppressed or eliminated. <br \/><br \/>11. Disdain and suppression of intellectuals and the arts. <br \/><br \/>12. Obsession with crime and punishment. <br \/><br \/>13. Rampant cronyism and corruption. <br \/><br \/>14. Fraudulent elections. <br \/><br \/><a href="http:\/\/www.secularhumanism.org\/library\/fi/britt_23_2.htm" target="_blank">DETAILS HERE<\/a><br \/><\/div>';
randomxtra[2]='<div id="dearchristian"><br \/><br \/><b>A Comparative Analysis Of World Religious Philosophies<\/b><br \/><br \/><i>Taoism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Shit happens  <br \/><br \/><i>Confucianism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Confucious says<b>:<\/b><\/i> "Shit happens"  <br \/><br \/><i>Calvinism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Shit happens because you don`t work hard enough<br \/><br \/><i> Buddhism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  If shit happens, it isn\'t really shit<br \/><br \/><i> Zen<b>:<\/b><\/i>  What is the sound of shit happening?<br \/><br \/><i> Seventh Day Adventist<b>:<\/b><\/i>  No shit on Saturday<br \/><br \/><i> Hedonism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  There\'s nothing like a good shit happening<br \/><br \/><i> Hinduism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  This shit happened before<br \/><br \/><i> Mormon<b>:<\/b><\/i>  This shit will happen again<br \/><br \/><i> Islam<b>:<\/b><\/i>  If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah<br \/><br \/><i> Moonies<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Only happy shit really happens<br \/><br \/><i> Stoicism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  This shit is good for me<br \/><br \/><i> Protestantism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Let shit happen to someone else<br \/><br \/><i> Catholicism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Shit happens because you deserve it<br \/><br \/><i> Judaism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  So why does this shit always happen to me?<br \/><br \/><i> Hare Krishna<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Shit happens Shit happens Shit happens Shit happens<br \/><br \/><i> Jehova\'s Witness<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Let us in, and we will tell you why shit happens<br \/><br \/><i> Atheism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Shit happens for no apparent reason<br \/><br \/><i> Agnosticism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Farts happen<br \/><br \/><i> Zarastrianism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Shit happens half the time<br \/><br \/><i> Christian Science<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Shit is in your mind<br \/><br \/><i> Wicca<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Shit happens if you will it to happen<br \/><br \/><i> Scientology<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Feces occur<br \/><br \/><i> Existencialism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  Shit is, therefore it happens<br \/><br \/><i> Rastafarism<b>:<\/b><\/i>  LET\'S SMOKE THIS SHIT!!!<br \/><\/div>';
randomxtra[3]='<div id="dearchristian">Dear Conservative Christian, [<i>attribution unknown*<\/i>]<br><br>  Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God\'s Law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.<\/ br> I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.<\/ br>  <p>a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?<\/p>  <p>b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?<\/p>  <p>c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.<\/p>  <p>d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can\'t I own Canadians?<\/p>  <p>e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?<\/p>  <p>f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an  Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don\'t agree. Can you settle this?<\/p>  <p>g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20\/20, or is there some wiggle room here?<\/p>  <p>h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?<\/p>  <p>i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?<\/p>  <p>j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton\/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn\'t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people  who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)<\/p>  I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.<br>  Thank you again for reminding us that God\'s word is eternal and unchanging.<br>  Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.<br> <hr> [*but was spoken, with some variation, by Pres. Josiah Bartlett on an episode of NBC\'s <i>The West Wing<\/i>] <\/div>';
randomxtra[4]='<div id="dearchristian"><br \/><br \/><br \/>[From Boston Legal, Stick It, March 14, 2006.]<br \/><br \/>ALAN SHORE: When the \"Weapons of Mass Destruction thing\" turned out not to be true, I expected the American people to rise up! Huh! They didn\'t.<br \/><br \/>Then, when the Abu Ghraib \"torture thing\" surfaced, and it was revealed that our government participated in \"rendition,\" a practice where we kidnap people and turn them over to regimes who specialize in torture, I was sure, then, the American people would be heard from. We stood mute.<br \/><br \/>Then came the news that we jailed thousands of so-called \"terrorist suspects\" -- locked them up, without the right to a trial or even the right to confront their accusers. Certainly, we would never stand for that. We did.<br \/><br \/>And now, it\'s been discovered, the executive branch has been conducting massive, illegal, domestic surveillance on its own citizens -- you and me. And I at least consoled myself that finally, finally the American people will have had enough.<br \/><br \/>Evidently we haven\'t. In fact, if the people of this country have spoken, the message is, "We\'re okay with it all.\" Torture, warrantless search-and-seizures, illegal wiretappings. Prison without a fair trial -- or any trial. War on false pretenses. We as a citizenry are, apparently, not offended. There are no demonstrations on college campuses; in fact, there\'s no clear indication that young people even seem to notice.<br \/><br \/>Well, Melissa Hughes noticed. Now, you might think instead of withholding her taxes, she could have protested the old-fashioned way: made a placard and demonstrated at a Presidential or Vice-Presidential appearance. But we\'ve lost the right to that as well. The Secret Service can now declare \"free speech zones\" to contain, control, and, in effect, criminalize protest.<br \/><br \/>Stop for a second, and try to fathom that: At a Presidential rally, parade, or appearance, if you have on a supportive T-shirt, you can be there. If you\'re wearing, or carrying something in protest, you can be removed. This, in the United States of America. This, in the United States of America! Is Melissa Hughes the only one embarrassed?<br \/><br \/>JUDGE: Mr. Shore, that\'s a chair for witnesses only.<br \/><br \/>ALAN SHORE: These long speeches make me so tired sometimes.<br \/><br \/>JUDGE: Please get out of the chair.<br \/><br \/>ALAN SHORE: Actually, I\'m sick and tired.<br \/><br \/>JUDGE: Get out of the chair!<br \/><br \/>ALAN SHORE: And what I\'m most sick and tired of, is how every time somebody disagrees with how the government is running things, he or she is labeled \"un-American.\"<br \/><br \/>PROSECUTOR: Evidently it\'s speech time.<br \/><br \/>ALAN SHORE: And speech in this country is free, you hack! Free for me, free for you, free for Melissa Hughes to stand up to her government and say, \"Stick it!\"<br \/><br \/>PROSECUTOR: Objection!<br \/><br \/>ALAN SHORE: I object to Government abusing its power to squash the constitutional freedoms of its citizenry. And, God forbid, anybody challenge it, they\'re smeared as being a heretic. Melissa Hughes is an American! Melissa Hughes is an American. Melissa Hughes is an American!<br \/><br \/>JUDGE: Mr. Shore, unless you have anything new and fresh to say, please sit down. You\'ve breached the decorum of my courtroom with all this hooting.<br \/><br \/>ALAN SHORE: Last night, I went to bed with a book. Not as much fun as a 29-year-old, but, the book contained a speech by Adlai Stevenson. The year was 1952. He said, \"The tragedy of our day is the climate of fear in which we live, and fear breeds repression. Too often, sinister threats to the Bill of Rights, to freedom of the mind, are concealed under the patriotic cloak of anti-communism."<br \/><br \/>Today, it\'s the cloak of anti-terrorism. <\/div>';
randomxtra[5]='<div id="dearchristian"><br \/><br \/><b>Bumper Stickers for Bush supporters:<\/b><ul><li>Let\'s Fix Democracy in This Country First. <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran. <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber. <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>If You Can Read This, You\'re Not Our President. <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Of Course It Hurts: You\'re Getting Screwed by an Elephant. <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet? <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Impeachment: It\'s Not Just for Blowjobs Anymore <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>America: One Nation, Under Surveillance <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Jail to the Chief (Left over from the Nixon Campaign) <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq? <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Bush: God\'s Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>We Need a President Who\'s Fluent In At Least One Language. <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>We\'re Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Impeach Cheney First <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.56 <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>What Part of "Bush Lied" Don\'t You Understand? <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>One Nation Under Clod <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>2005: Embarrassed<br \/>2005: Horrified<br \/>2006: Terrified <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>Bush Never Exhaled <br \/><br \/><\/li><li>At Least Nixon Resigned<br \/><br \/><\/li><\/ul>Lifted from <a href="http://www.suprmchaos.com/home.index.html">BartCopE!<\/a><\/div>';