function makeArray(len) { for (var i = 0; i < len; i++) this[i] = null; this.length = len; } wisdom = new makeArray(410); wisdom[0]='

Wagner\'s music is better than it sounds <\/div>

—Edgar Wilson Nye<\/div>'; wisdom[1]='

Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power <\/div>

—Eric Hoffer<\/div>'; wisdom[2]='

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it\'s time to pause and reflect <\/div>

—Mark Twain<\/div>'; wisdom[3]='

Here\'s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like \'Psychic Wins Lottery\'? <\/div>

—Jay Leno<\/div>'; wisdom[4]='

Experience is not what happens to you; it\'s what you do with what happens to you <\/div>

—Aldous Huxley<\/div>'; wisdom[5]='

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit <\/div>

—Harry S Truman<\/div>'; wisdom[6]='

When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people. <\/div>

—Seneca<\/div>'; wisdom[7]='

I was the kid next door\'s imaginary friend <\/div>

—Emo Phillips<\/div>'; wisdom[8]='

Genius is seeing what everyone else sees and thinking what no one else has thought <\/div>

—Albert Szent-Gyorgy<\/div>'; wisdom[9]='

If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars <\/div>

—J Paul Getty<\/div>'; wisdom[10]='

Noah\'s Ark was made of gopher-wood, but Joan of Arc was maid of Orleans <\/div>

—Richard Whately (Archbishop of Dublin)<\/div>'; wisdom[11]='

Nobody really cares if you\'re miserable, so you might as well be happy <\/div>

—Cynthia Nelms<\/div>'; wisdom[12]='

Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better <\/div>

—Anonymous<\/div>'; wisdom[13]='

Don\'t worry about people stealing an idea. If it\'s original, you will have to ram it down their throats. <\/div>

—Howard Aiken<\/div>'; wisdom[14]='

When you go into court you are putting your fate in the hands of 12 people that weren\'t smart enough to get out of jury duty <\/div>

—Norm Crosby<\/div>'; wisdom[15]='

Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful <\/div>

—Warren Buffett<\/div>'; wisdom[16]='

A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money <\/div>

—Senator Everett Dirksen<\/div>'; wisdom[17]='

If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worried about one year ago today <\/div>

—A Rotarian<\/div>'; wisdom[18]='

Money talks, but all mine ever says is good-bye <\/div>

—Anonymous<\/div>'; wisdom[19]='

"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. <\/div>

—Gloria Steinem<\/div>'; wisdom[20]='

Hope has two beautiful daughters, Anger at the way things are and Courage to change them" <\/div>

—St.Augustine<\/div>'; wisdom[21]='

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert <\/div>

—Demetri Martin<\/div>'; wisdom[22]='

If they can make penicillin out of mouldy bread, they can sure make something out of you <\/div>

—Muhammad Ali<\/div>'; wisdom[23]='

People find life entirely too time-consuming <\/div>

—Stanislaw J. Lec<\/div>'; wisdom[24]='

The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the more clearly we should see through it.<\/div>'; wisdom[25]='

The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank <\/div>

—Dante Gabriel Rossetti<\/div>'; wisdom[26]='

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow <\/div>

—Mark Twain<\/div>'; wisdom[27]='

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue . . . . "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." <\/div>

—Eleanor Roosevelt <\/div>'; wisdom[28]='

The cardiologist\'s diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out!! <\/div>

— Unknown <\/div>'; wisdom[29]='

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister . . and now wish to withdraw that statement. <\/div>

—Mark Twain<\/div>'; wisdom[30]='

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. <\/div>

—George Burns<\/div>'; wisdom[31]='

Santa Claus has the right idea ... Visit people only once a year. <\/div>

—Victor Borge <\/div>'; wisdom[32]='

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. <\/div>

—Mark Twain <\/div>'; wisdom[33]='

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce. <\/div>

—Mark Twain <\/div>'; wisdom[34]='

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you\'ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you\'ll become a philosopher. <\/div>

—Socrates <\/div>'; wisdom[35]='

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. <\/div>

—Groucho Marx <\/div>'; wisdom[36]='

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. <\/div>

—Jimmy Durante<\/div>'; wisdom[37]='

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. <\/div>

—Jilly Cooper <\/div>'; wisdom[38]='

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. <\/div>

—Zsa Zsa Gabor <\/div>'; wisdom[39]='

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. <\/div>

—Alex Levine <\/div>'; wisdom[40]='

Don\'t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. <\/div>

—Mark Twain<\/div>'; wisdom[41]='

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. <\/div>

—Ed Furgol <\/div>'; wisdom[42]='

Money can\'t buy you happiness. but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. <\/div>

—Spike Milligan<\/div>'; wisdom[43]='

What\'s the use of happiness? It can\'t buy you money. <\/div>

—Henny Youngman <\/div>'; wisdom[44]='

I am opposed to millionaires.......but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. <\/div>

—Mark Twain <\/div>'; wisdom[45]='

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was \'shut up\' ! <\/div>

—Joe Namath <\/div>'; wisdom[46]='

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. <\/div>

—Herbert Henry Asquith <\/div>'; wisdom[47]='

I don\'t feel old. I don\'t feel anything until noon. Then it\'s time for my nap. <\/div>

—Bob Hope <\/div>'; wisdom[48]='

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. <\/div>

—Will Rogers<\/div>'; wisdom[49]='

Don\'t worry about avoiding temptation ... As you grow older it will avoid you. <\/div>

—Winston Churchill<\/div>'; wisdom[50]='

Maybe it\'s true that life begins at fifty.....But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. <\/div>

—Phyllis Diller <\/div>'; wisdom[51]='

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he\'s too old to go anywhere. <\/div>

—Billy Crystal <\/div>'; wisdom[52]='

[T]hose who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. <\/div>

—C.S. Lewis<\/div>'; wisdom[53]='

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education <\/div>

—Wilson Mizner<\/div>'; wisdom[54]='

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out <\/div>

—Rodney Dangerfield<\/div>'; wisdom[55]='

Maybe this world is another planet\'s hell <\/div>

—Aldous Huxley<\/div>'; wisdom[56]='

I\'m an atheist, and that\'s it. I believe there\'s nothing we can know except that we should be kind to each other and do what we can for each other <\/div>

—Katherine Hepburn<\/div>'; wisdom[57]='

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to <\/div>

—Dorothy Parker<\/div>'; wisdom[58]='

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence <\/div>

—H L Mencken<\/div>'; wisdom[59]='

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what\'s right <\/div>

—Isaac Asimov<\/div>'; wisdom[60]='

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty <\/div>

—George Burns<\/div>'; wisdom[61]='

The Universe is a big place... perhaps the biggest <\/div>

—Unknown<\/div>'; wisdom[62]='

What\'s another word for Thesaurus? <\/div>

—Steven Wright<\/div>'; wisdom[63]='

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names <\/div>

—John F Kennedy<\/div>'; wisdom[64]='

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty <\/div>

—George Bernard Shaw<\/div>'; wisdom[65]='

The real measure of your wealth is how much you would be worth if you lost all your money <\/div>

—Unknown<\/div>'; wisdom[66]='

"Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery." <\/div>

—Mr Micawber (David Copperfield, Charles Dickens)<\/div>'; wisdom[67]='

War doesn\'t determine who is right. War determines who is left <\/div>

—Unknown<\/div>'; wisdom[68]='

I\'m not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are <\/div>

—Groucho Marx<\/div>'; wisdom[69]='

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable <\/div>

—John Kenneth Galbraith<\/div>'; wisdom[70]='

Dance like it hurts,/ Love like you need money,/ Work when people are watching <\/div>

—Scott Adams<\/div>'; wisdom[71]='

A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what\'s going on <\/div>

—William S Burroughs<\/div>'; wisdom[72]='

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened <\/div>

—Sir Winston Churchill<\/div>'; wisdom[73]='

If you\'re not part of the solution, you\'re part of the precipitate <\/div>

—Henry J Tillman<\/div>'; wisdom[74]='

Honesty may be the best policy, but it\'s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy <\/div>

—George Carlin<\/div>'; wisdom[75]='

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking<\/i>, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do? <\/div>
—Ronnie Shakes<\/div>'; wisdom[76]='
Life is a long lesson in humility <\/div>
—James M Barrie<\/div>'; wisdom[77]='
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult <\/div>
—E B White<\/div>'; wisdom[78]='
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people <\/div>
—W C Fields<\/div>'; wisdom[79]='
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted <\/div>
—Fred Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[80]='
Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater <\/div>
—Albert Einstein <\/div>'; wisdom[81]='
Even if you\'re on the right track, you\'ll get run over if you just sit there <\/div>
—Will Rogers<\/div>'; wisdom[82]='
You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right? Please wait until I am wrong <\/div>
—Johann von Neumann<\/div>'; wisdom[83]='
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so <\/div>
—Dougles Adams<\/div>'; wisdom[84]='
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She\'s ninety-seven now, and we don\'t know where the hell she is <\/div>
—Ellen DeGeneres<\/div>'; wisdom[85]='
America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair <\/div>
—Arnold Toynbee<\/div>'; wisdom[86]='
In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act <\/div>
—George Orwell<\/div>'; wisdom[87]='
The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible <\/div>
—Arthur C Clarke<\/div>'; wisdom[88]='
It was beautiful and simple, as truly great swindles are <\/div>
—O Henry<\/div>'; wisdom[89]='
That all men are equal is a proposition which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent <\/div>
—Aldous Huxley<\/div>'; wisdom[90]='
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they\'ve always worked for me <\/div>
—Hunter S Thompson<\/div>'; wisdom[91]='
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren\'t smart enough to get out of jury duty <\/div>
—Norm Crosby<\/div>'; wisdom[92]='
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society <\/div>
—Krishnamurti<\/div>'; wisdom[93]='
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it <\/div>
—Garrison Keillor<\/div>'; wisdom[94]='
Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof <\/div>
—Ashley Montague<\/div>'; wisdom[95]='
Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything <\/div>
—Floyd Dell<\/div>'; wisdom[96]='
There must be more to life than having everything <\/div>
—Maurice Sendak<\/div>'; wisdom[97]='
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job <\/div>
—Douglas Adams<\/div>'; wisdom[98]='
I\'m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don\'t know <\/div>
—Gary Shandling<\/div>'; wisdom[99]='
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping <\/div>
—Rita Rudner<\/div>'; wisdom[100]='
There\'s an old saying about those who forget history. I don\'t remember it, but it\'s good <\/div>
—Stephen Colbert<\/div>'; wisdom[101]='
Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses <\/div>
—Margaret Millar<\/div>'; wisdom[102]='
Science may set limits to knowledge, but should not set limits to imagination <\/div>
—Bertrand Russell<\/div>'; wisdom[103]='
A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone <\/div>
—Henry David Thoreau<\/div>'; wisdom[104]='
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good <\/div>
—Samuel Johnson<\/div>'; wisdom[105]='
Anyone who uses the phrase \'easy as taking candy from a baby\' has never tried taking candy from a baby <\/div>
—Anonymous<\/div>'; wisdom[106]='
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three <\/div>
—Alice Kahn<\/div>'; wisdom[107]='
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves <\/div>
—Abraham Lincoln<\/div>'; wisdom[108]='
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible <\/div>
—Unknown<\/div>'; wisdom[109]='
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic <\/div>
—Arthur C Clarke<\/div>'; wisdom[110]='
I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me <\/div>
—John Cleese<\/div>'; wisdom[111]='
Write the bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble <\/div>
—Arabic parable<\/div>'; wisdom[112]='
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics <\/div>
—Alfred E Newman<\/div>'; wisdom[113]='
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual <\/div>
—Terry Prachett<\/div>'; wisdom[114]='
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing <\/div>
—H L Mencken<\/div>'; wisdom[115]='
Success didn\'t spoil me, I\'ve always been insufferable <\/div>
—Fran Lebowitz<\/div>'; wisdom[116]='
I\'ve been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn\'t require my presence <\/div>
—Garry Trudeau<\/div>'; wisdom[117]='
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying <\/div>
—Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[118]='
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought <\/div>
—Albert Szent-Gyorgyi<\/div>'; wisdom[119]='
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered <\/div>
—George Best<\/div>'; wisdom[120]='
The anti-aging advert that I would like to see is a baby covered in cream saying, \'Aah, I\'ve used too much\' <\/div>
—Andrew Bird<\/div>'; wisdom[121]='
Procrastination isn\'t the problem, it\'s the solution. So procrastinate now, don\'t put it off <\/div>
—Ellen DeGeneres<\/div>'; wisdom[122]='
Now I know what a statesman is; he\'s a dead politician. We need more statesmen <\/div>
—Bob Edwards<\/div>'; wisdom[123]='
A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors <\/div>
—William Ralph Inge<\/div>'; wisdom[124]='
I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency <\/div>
—Anonymous<\/div>'; wisdom[125]='
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking <\/div>
—Jerry Seinfeld<\/div>'; wisdom[126]='
All general statements are false <\/div>
—Unknown<\/div>'; wisdom[127]='
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun <\/div>
—Al Capone<\/div>'; wisdom[128]='
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he\'s a dirty little beast <\/div>
—WS Gilbert<\/div>'; wisdom[129]='
Try to learn something about everything and everything about something <\/div>
—Thomas H Huxley<\/div>'; wisdom[130]='
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet <\/div>
—Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[131]='
Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can\'t be taken on its own merit <\/div>
—Dan Barker<\/div>'; wisdom[132]='
In America, through pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from <\/div>
—Peter Ustinov<\/div>'; wisdom[133]='
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they\'ve told you what you think it is you want to hear <\/div>
—Alan Corenk<\/div>'; wisdom[134]='
Almost everything of substance can be summed up with a "DUDE! Check this out!" and a hyperlink <\/div>
—Kludge (pseudonym)<\/div>'; wisdom[135]='
I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell <\/div>
—Harry S Truman<\/div>'; wisdom[136]='
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth <\/div>
—George Bernard Shaw<\/div>'; wisdom[137]='
He\'s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he\'s miserable and depressed <\/div>
—David Frost<\/div>'; wisdom[138]='
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places <\/div>
—Henny Youngman<\/div>'; wisdom[139]='
If there were no God, there would be no Atheists <\/div>
—G K Chesterton<\/div>'; wisdom[140]='
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest <\/div>
—Kilgore Trout<\/div>'; wisdom[141]='
I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it\'s awkward <\/div>
—Tom Stade<\/div>'; wisdom[142]='
Don\'t worry about the world coming to an end today. It\'s already tomorrow in Australia <\/div>
—Charles M Schulz<\/div>'; wisdom[143]='
Some mornings it just doesn\'t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps <\/div>
—Emo Phillips<\/div>'; wisdom[144]='
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science <\/div>
—Albert Einstein<\/div>'; wisdom[145]='
I\'m not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it\'ll be much harder to detect <\/div>
—George Carlin<\/div>'; wisdom[146]='
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again? <\/div>
—AA Milne<\/div>'; wisdom[147]='
She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B <\/div>
—Dorothy Parker<\/div>'; wisdom[148]='
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people <\/div>
—Lucille S Harper<\/div>'; wisdom[149]='
I would never die for my brliefs because I might be wrong <\/div>
—Bertrand Russell<\/div>'; wisdom[150]='
Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn\'t seem to be working <\/div>
—Anon.<\/div>'; wisdom[151]='
It is impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune <\/div>
—Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[152]='
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer <\/div>
—E J Younger<\/div>'; wisdom[153]='
To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself <\/div>
—Albert Einstein<\/div>'; wisdom[154]='
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was 6. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph <\/div>
—Shirley Temple Black<\/div>'; wisdom[155]='
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal <\/div>
—Oscar Wilde<\/div>'; wisdom[156]='
There are two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness <\/div>
—Franz Kafka<\/div>'; wisdom[157]='
Killing for peace is like fucking for chastity <\/div>
—Anonymous<\/div>'; wisdom[158]='
We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming <\/div>
—Don Delillo<\/div>'; wisdom[159]='
Optimists convert stumbling blocks to stepping stones <\/div>
—W. Howard Wight, Jr.<\/div>'; wisdom[160]='
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they\'d never expect it <\/div>
—Jack Handey<\/div>'; wisdom[161]='
As I was walking up the stair / I met a man who wasn\'t there. / He wasn\'t there again today. / I wish, I wish he\'d stay away <\/div>
—Hughes Mearns<\/div>'; wisdom[162]='
You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave <\/div>
—Sydney Smith<\/div>'; wisdom[163]='
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you <\/div>
—Bert Leston Taylor<\/div>'; wisdom[164]='
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies <\/div>
—Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[165]='
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal <\/div>
—Albert Camus<\/div>'; wisdom[166]='
Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before... He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way <\/div>
—Kurt Vonnegut<\/div>'; wisdom[167]='
Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form <\/div>
—Karl Marx<\/div>'; wisdom[168]='
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever <\/div>
—Napoleon Bonaparte<\/div>'; wisdom[169]='
Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one <\/div>
—Oliver Wendell Holmes<\/div>'; wisdom[170]='
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning<\/div>
— Aristotle<\/div>'; wisdom[171]='
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian<\/div>
— Robert Orben<\/div>'; wisdom[172]='
There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle<\/div>
— Albert Einstein<\/div>'; wisdom[173]='
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important<\/div>
— Bertrand Russell<\/div>'; wisdom[174]='
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort<\/div>
— Herm Albright<\/div>'; wisdom[175]='
Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting<\/div>
— John Russell<\/div>'; wisdom[176]='
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own<\/div>
— Doug Larson<\/div>'; wisdom[177]='
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity<\/div>
— Unknown<\/div>'; wisdom[178]='
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people<\/div>
— G K Chesterton<\/div>'; wisdom[179]='
You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake<\/div>
— Jeannette Rankin<\/div>'; wisdom[180]='
It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea<\/div>
— Robert Anton Wilson<\/div>'; wisdom[181]='
After I\'m dead I\'d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one<\/div>
— Cato the elder<\/div>'; wisdom[182]='
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance<\/div>
— Lawrence J Peter<\/div>'; wisdom[183]='
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good<\/div>
— Samuel Johnson<\/div>'; wisdom[184]='
Television is a new medium. It\'s called a medium because nothing is well-done<\/div>
— Fred Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[185]='
Only the shallow know themselves<\/div>
— Oscar Wilde<\/div>'; wisdom[186]='
All the world\'s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed<\/div>
— Sean O\'Casey<\/div>'; wisdom[187]='
As the poet said, \'Only God can make a tree\'—probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on<\/div>
— Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[188]='
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday<\/div>
— Don Marquis<\/div>'; wisdom[189]='
The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders<\/div>
— Foster\'s Law<\/div>'; wisdom[190]='
I don\'t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts<\/div>
— Will Rogers<\/div>'; wisdom[191]='
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity<\/div>
— Anonymous<\/div>'; wisdom[192]='
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped<\/div>
— Elbert Hubbard<\/div>'; wisdom[193]='
We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex—but Congress can<\/div>
— Cullen Hightower<\/div>'; wisdom[194]='
Indecision may or may not be my problem<\/div>
— Jimmy Buffett<\/div>'; wisdom[195]='
The gods too are fond of a joke<\/div>
— Aristotle<\/div>'; wisdom[196]='
The cat could very well be man\'s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it<\/div>
— Doug Larson<\/div>'; wisdom[197]='
The world is round; it has no point.<\/div>
— Adrienne E Gusoff<\/div>'; wisdom[198]='
You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions<\/div>
— Senator Patrick Leahy<\/div>'; wisdom[199]='
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand<\/div>
— Kurt Vonnegut<\/div>'; wisdom[200]='
Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all<\/div>
— Georg Christoph Lichtenberg<\/div>'; wisdom[201]='
The Bible is what fools have written, imbeciles command, and rogues teach<\/div>
— Voltaire<\/div>'; wisdom[202]='
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I\'ll consider it<\/div>
— Joan Rivers<\/div>'; wisdom[203]='
Don\'t you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There\'s one marked \'Brightness,\' but it doesn\'t work<\/div>
— Gallagher<\/div>'; wisdom[204]='
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work<\/div>
— Thomas Edison<\/div>'; wisdom[205]='
Education\'s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one<\/div>
— Malcolm Forbes<\/div>'; wisdom[206]='
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks<\/div>
— Doug Larson<\/div>'; wisdom[207]='
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories
— those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost<\/div>
— Russell Baker<\/div>'; wisdom[208]='
The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities<\/div>
— Sophocles<\/div>'; wisdom[209]='
The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty<\/div>
— Eugene McCarthy<\/div>'; wisdom[210]='
History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies and misfortunes of mankind<\/div>
— Edward Gibbon<\/div>'; wisdom[211]='
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it\'s compounding a felony<\/div>
— Robert Benchley<\/div>'; wisdom[212]='
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it\'s just sort of a tired feeling<\/div>
— Paula Poundstone<\/div>'; wisdom[213]='
Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things<\/div>
— Robert A. Heinlein<\/div>'; wisdom[214]='
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph<\/div>
— Shirley Temple<\/div>'; wisdom[215]='
Sometimes I think we\'re alone. Sometimes I think we\'re not. In either case, the thought is staggering<\/div>
— R Buckminster Fuller<\/div>'; wisdom[216]='
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow<\/div>
— Evan Esar<\/div>'; wisdom[217]='
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf<\/div>
— H L Mencken<\/div>'; wisdom[218]='
We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems<\/div>
— John W Gardner<\/div>'; wisdom[219]='
The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised<\/div>
— George F Will<\/div>'; wisdom[220]='
A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth<\/div>
— George Bernard Shaw<\/div>'; wisdom[221]='
The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy — I mean that if you are happy you will be good<\/div>
— Bertrand Russell<\/div>'; wisdom[222]='
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious<\/div>
— Oscar Wilde<\/div>'; wisdom[223]='
All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why<\/div>
— James Thurber<\/div>'; wisdom[224]='
Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language<\/div>
— Ludwig Wittgenstein<\/div>'; wisdom[225]='
You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light<\/div>
— Vicomte de Chateaubriand<\/div>'; wisdom[226]='
We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities<\/div>
— Walt Kelly<\/div>'; wisdom[227]='
If it\'s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I\'d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little<\/div>
— George Carlin<\/div>'; wisdom[228]='
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it<\/div>
— George Bernard Shaw<\/div>'; wisdom[229]='
People will buy anything that is one to a customer<\/div>
— Sinclair Lewis<\/div>'; wisdom[230]='
There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval<\/div>
— George Santayana<\/div>'; wisdom[231]='
We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones<\/div>
— Francois de La Rochefoucauld<\/div>'; wisdom[232]='
The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others<\/div>
— Friedrich Nietzsche<\/div>'; wisdom[233]='
To be pleased with one\'s limits is a wretched state<\/div>
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe<\/div>'; wisdom[234]='
The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children<\/div>
— King Edward VIII<\/div>'; wisdom[235]='
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye<\/div>
— Miss Piggy<\/div>'; wisdom[236]='
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards<\/div>
— Soren Kierkegaard<\/div>'; wisdom[237]='
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn\'t be a bit surprised<\/div>
— Dorothy Parker<\/div>'; wisdom[238]='
The big thieves hang the little ones<\/div>
— Czech Proverb<\/div>'; wisdom[239]='
I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there<\/div>
— Richard Feynman<\/div>'; wisdom[240]='
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it<\/div>
— Mahatma Ghandi<\/div>'; wisdom[241]='
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion<\/div>
— Steven Weinberg<\/div>'; wisdom[242]='
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead<\/div>
— Erma Bombeck<\/div>'; wisdom[243]='
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met<\/div>
— Rodney Dangerfield<\/div>'; wisdom[244]='
Those are my principles, and if you don\'t like them... well, I have others<\/div>
— Groucho Marx<\/div>'; wisdom[245]='
I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed<\/div>
— Frank Deford<\/div>'; wisdom[246]='
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it<\/div>
— W Somerset Maugham<\/div>'; wisdom[247]='
Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings<\/div>
— George F Will<\/div>'; wisdom[248]='
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering — and it\'s all over much too soon.
— Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[249]='
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim<\/div>
— Bertrand Russell<\/div>'; wisdom[250]='
Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead<\/div>
— Charles Bukowski<\/div>'; wisdom[251]='
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul<\/div>
— George Bernard Shaw<\/div>'; wisdom[252]='
If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things<\/div>
— Rene Descartes<\/div>'; wisdom[253]='
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left<\/div>
— Oscar Levant<\/div>'; wisdom[254]='
The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments<\/div>
— Friedrich Nietzsche<\/div>'; wisdom[255]='
You don\'t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing<\/div>
— Michael Pritchard<\/div>'; wisdom[256]='
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It\'s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then—we elected them<\/div>
— Lily Tomlin<\/div>'; wisdom[257]='
War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military<\/div>
— Georges Clemenceau<\/div>'; wisdom[258]='
Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions<\/div>
— Albert Einstein<\/div>'; wisdom[259]='
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week<\/div>
— Evan Esar<\/div>'; wisdom[260]='
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died<\/div>
— Richard Diran<\/div>'; wisdom[261]='
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity<\/div>
— Tom Stoppard<\/div>'; wisdom[262]='
It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English—up to fifty words used in correct context—no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese<\/div>
— Carl Sagan<\/div>'; wisdom[263]='
Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric<\/div>
— Bertrand Russell<\/div>'; wisdom[264]='
There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun<\/div>
— Pable Picasso<\/div>'; wisdom[265]='
God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project<\/div>
— Anonymous<\/div>'; wisdom[266]='
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can\'t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow<\/div>
— Jeff Valdez<\/div>'; wisdom[267]='
Life isn\'t fair. It\'s just fairer than death, that\'s all<\/div>
— William Goldman<\/div>'; wisdom[268]='
Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God<\/div>
— Kurt Vonnegut<\/div>'; wisdom[269]='
There are two kinds of light—the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures<\/div>
— James Thurber<\/div>'; wisdom[270]='
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits<\/div>
— Robert Heinlein<\/div>'; wisdom[271]='
In heaven all the interesting people are missing<\/div>
— Friedrich Nietzsche<\/div>'; wisdom[272]='
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn\'t<\/div>
— Anonymous<\/div>'; wisdom[273]='
The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them<\/div>
— Samuel McChord Crothers<\/div>'; wisdom[274]='
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake<\/div>
— Napoleon Bonaparte<\/div>'; wisdom[275]='
Hollywood is a place where they\'ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul<\/div>
— Marilyn Monroe<\/div>'; wisdom[276]='
A man\'s silence is wonderful to listen to<\/div>
— Thomas Hardy<\/div>'; wisdom[277]='
A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad<\/div>
— Bob Edwards<\/div>'; wisdom[278]='
When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers<\/div>
— Oscar Wilde<\/div>'; wisdom[279]='
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work<\/div>
— Robert Frost<\/div>'; wisdom[280]='
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred<\/div>
— Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[281]='
There are more of them than us<\/div>
— Herb Caen<\/div>'; wisdom[282]='
We were happily married for 8 months. Unfortunately, we were married for 4 1/2 years<\/div>
— Nick Faldo<\/div>'; wisdom[283]='
There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers<\/div>
— William James<\/div>'; wisdom[284]='
Only the mediocre are always at their best<\/div>
— Jean Giraudoux<\/div>'; wisdom[285]='
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly<\/div>
— Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[286]='
The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off<\/div>
— Anonymous<\/div>'; wisdom[287]='
Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops<\/div>
— Kurt Vonnegut<\/div>'; wisdom[288]='
In the end, everything is a gag<\/div>
— Charlie Chaplin<\/div>'; wisdom[289]='
The enemy is anybody who\'s going to get you killed, no matter which side he\'s on<\/div>
— Joseph Heller<\/div>'; wisdom[290]='
Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it<\/div>
— Samuel Johnson<\/div>'; wisdom[291]='
There\'s always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little<\/div>
— and it\'s always somebody else<\/div>
— Cullen Hightower<\/div>'; wisdom[292]='
You live and learn. At any rate, you live<\/div>
— Douglas Adams<\/div>'; wisdom[293]='
We can\'t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by<\/div>
— Will Rogers<\/div>'; wisdom[294]='
You know you\'re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you\'re down there<\/div>
— George Burns<\/div>'; wisdom[295]='
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries<\/div>
— A A Milne<\/div>'; wisdom[296]='
The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward<\/div>
— John Maynard Keynes<\/div>'; wisdom[297]='
Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity; and I\'m not sure about the universe<\/div>
— Albert Einstein<\/div>'; wisdom[298]='
What if this weren\'t a hypothetical question?<\/div>
— Unknown<\/div>'; wisdom[299]='
Text messages are great because it\'s one-sided non-verbal communication<\/div>
— Paul F Tompkins<\/div>'; wisdom[300]='
Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level<\/div>
— Quentin Crisp<\/div>'; wisdom[301]='
I think I figured out why Americans are so stupid. Think about how stupid the Average American is. Well, HALF of \'em are stupider than THAT!<\/div>
— George Carlin<\/div>'; wisdom[302]='
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane<\/div>
— Philip K Dick<\/div>'; wisdom[303]='
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something<\/div>
— Wilson Mizner<\/div>'; wisdom[304]='
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles<\/div>
— George Jean Nathan<\/div>'; wisdom[305]='
When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken<\/div>
— Benjamin Disraeli<\/div>'; wisdom[306]='
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality<\/div>
— Albert Einstein<\/div>'; wisdom[307]='
Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man\'s original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made<\/div>
— Oscar Wilde<\/div>'; wisdom[308]='
Nihilism is best done by professionals<\/div>
— Iggy Pop<\/div>'; wisdom[309]='
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that<\/div>
— Tom Lehrer<\/div>'; wisdom[310]='
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to<\/div>
— Ambrose Bierce<\/div>'; wisdom[311]='
Of all the things I\'ve lost, I miss my mind the most<\/div>
— Ozzy Osbourne<\/div>'; wisdom[312]='
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you\'ll land among the stars<\/div>
— Les Brown<\/div>'; wisdom[313]='
My Karma ran over your dogma<\/div>
— Unknown<\/div>'; wisdom[314]='
No human thing is of serious importance<\/div>
— Plato<\/div>'; wisdom[315]='
Quit worrying about your health. It\'ll go away<\/div>
— Robert Orben<\/div>'; wisdom[316]='
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one<\/div>
— G B Shaw<\/div>'; wisdom[317]='
A cult is a religion with no political power<\/div>
— Tom Wolfe<\/div>'; wisdom[318]='
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age<\/div>
— Lucille Ball<\/div>'; wisdom[319]='
Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others<\/div>
— Samuel Johnson<\/div>'; wisdom[320]='
A waist is a terrible thing to mind<\/div>
— Jane Caminos<\/div>'; wisdom[321]='
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals<\/div>
— Sir Winston Churchill<\/div>'; wisdom[322]='
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind<\/div>
— Evan Esar<\/div>'; wisdom[323]='
The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes, but in having new eyes, in seeing the universe with the eyes of another, of hundreds of others, in seeing the hundreds of universes that each of them sees.<\/div>
— Marcel Proust<\/div>'; wisdom[324]='
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it<\/div>
— Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[325]='
Wisdom is what\'s left after we\'ve run out of personal opinions.<\/div>
— Cullen Hightower<\/div>'; wisdom[326]='
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.<\/div>
— Thomas Szasz<\/div>'; wisdom[327]='
Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense.<\/div>
— Carl Sagan<\/div>'; wisdom[328]='
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.<\/div>
— Oscar Wilde<\/div>'; wisdom[329]='
Humankind cannot stand very much reality,<\/div>
— T. S. Eliot<\/div>'; wisdom[330]='
Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth!<\/div>
— Henry David Thoreau<\/div>'; wisdom[331]='
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.<\/div>
— Elizabeth Taylor<\/div>'; wisdom[332]='
When you\'re through changing, you\'re through.<\/div>
— Bruce Barton<\/div>'; wisdom[333]='
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what\'s going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?<\/div>
— Will Rogers<\/div>'; wisdom[334]='
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.<\/div>
— Mark Twain<\/div>'; wisdom[335]='
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.<\/div>
— H L Mencken<\/div>'; wisdom[336]='
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you\'ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you\'ll become a philosopher.<\/div>
— Socrates<\/div>'; wisdom[337]='
To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.<\/div>
— Oscar Wilde<\/div>'; wisdom[338]='
Today\'s public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can\'t read them either.<\/div>
— Gore Vidal<\/div>'; wisdom[339]='
Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.<\/div>
— Unknown<\/div>'; wisdom[340]='
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I\'m a dog. Tomorrow I\'ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There\'s so little hope for advancement.<\/div>
— Charles M Schulz<\/div>'; wisdom[341]='
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.<\/div>
— Robert Frost<\/div>'; wisdom[342]='
We\'ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.<\/div>
— Robert Wilensky<\/div>'; wisdom[343]='
He hasn\'t an enemy in the world — but all his friends hate him.<\/div>
— Eddie Cantor<\/div>'; wisdom[344]='
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.<\/div>
— Martin Luther King Jr.<\/div>'; wisdom[345]='
If winning isn\'t everything, why do they keep score?<\/div>
— Vince Lombardi<\/div>'; wisdom[346]='
The covers of this book are too far apart<\/div>
— Ambrose Bierce<\/div>'; wisdom[347]='
Nostalgia isn\'t what it used to be<\/div>
— Peter De Vries<\/div>'; wisdom[348]='
Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.<\/div>
— Unknown<\/div>'; wisdom[349]='
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.<\/div>
— Galileo Galilei<\/div>'; wisdom[350]='
Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box.<\/div>
— Italian Proverb<\/div>'; wisdom[351]='
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.<\/div>
— Charles McCabe<\/div>'; wisdom[352]='
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.<\/div>
— Johnny Carson<\/div>'; wisdom[353]='
A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can\'t help himself.<\/div>
— Henry Morgan<\/div>'; wisdom[354]='
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.<\/div>
— Voltaire<\/div>'; wisdom[355]='
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me — they\'re just, like, \'I can\'t believe you don\'t remember me!"
I\'m like, \'Oh Dad I\'m sorry!<\/div>
— Ellen DeGeneres<\/div>'; wisdom[356]='
Sanity is a madness put to good use.<\/div>
— George Santayana<\/div>'; wisdom[357]='
There are two types of people—those who come into a room and say, \'Well, here I am!\' and those who come in and say, \'Ah, there you are.\'<\/div>
— Frederick L Collins<\/div>'; wisdom[358]='
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.<\/div>
— Saint Augustine<\/div>'; wisdom[359]='
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous — everyone hasn\'t met me yet<\/div>
— Rodney Dangerfield<\/div>'; wisdom[360]='
Work is the curse of the drinking classes<\/div>
— Oscar Wilde<\/div>'; wisdom[361]='
Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule<\/div>
— and both commonly succeed, and are right<\/div>
— H L Mencken<\/div>'; wisdom[362]='
There\'s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line<\/div>
— Oscar Levant<\/div>'; wisdom[363]='
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?<\/div>
— Edgar Bergen<\/div>'; wisdom[364]='
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.<\/div>
— Dave Barry<\/div>'; wisdom[365]='
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.<\/div>
— Abraham Lincoln<\/div>'; wisdom[366]='
Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.<\/div>
— Bertolt Brecht<\/div>'; wisdom[367]='
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.<\/div>
— Phyliss Diller<\/div>'; wisdom[368]='
The scientific name for an animal that doesn\'t either run from or fight its enemies is "lunch."<\/div>
— Michael Friedman<\/div>'; wisdom[369]='
Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.<\/div>
— Paul Gauguin<\/div>'; wisdom[370]='
I can\'t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.<\/div>
— Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[371]='
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.<\/div>
— Edward Shepherd Mead<\/div>'; wisdom[372]='
I don\'t have a bank account, because I don\'t know my mother\'s maiden name.<\/div>
— Paula Poundstone<\/div>'; wisdom[373]='
The problem with the designated driver program, it\'s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.<\/div>
— Jeff Foxworthy<\/div>'; wisdom[374]='
Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.<\/div>
— Barbara Tober<\/div>'; wisdom[375]='
Conceit is God\'s gift to little men.<\/div>
— Bruce Barton<\/div>'; wisdom[376]='
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.<\/div>
— Henry Kissinger<\/div>'; wisdom[377]='
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.<\/div>
— Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[378]='
The problem with the designated driver program, it\'s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.<\/div>
— Jeff Foxworthy<\/div>'; wisdom[379]='
Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.<\/div>
— Barbara Tober<\/div>'; wisdom[380]='
Conceit is God\'s gift to little men.<\/div>
— Bruce Barton<\/div>'; wisdom[381]='
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.<\/div>
— Henry Kissinger<\/div>'; wisdom[382]='
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.<\/div>
— Woody Allen<\/div>'; wisdom[383]='
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
When deciding how best to be blown.<\/div>'; wisdom[384]='
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field<\/div>
— Niels Bohr<\/div>'; wisdom[385]='
The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off<\/div>
— Gloria Steinem<\/div>'; wisdom[386]='
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you<\/div>
— Will Rogers<\/div>'; wisdom[387]='
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur<\/div>
— Doug Larson<\/div>'; wisdom[388]='
If all the world\'s a stage, I want to operate the trap door<\/div>
— Paul Beatty<\/div>'; wisdom[389]='
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.<\/div>'; wisdom[390]='
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Except that one where you\'re naked in church.<\/div>'; wisdom[391]='
Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.<\/div>'; wisdom[392]='
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!<\/div>'; wisdom[393]='
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory\'s not as sharp as it used to be.<\/div>'; wisdom[394]='
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.<\/div>'; wisdom[395]='
A bartender is just a pharmacist With a limited inventory<\/div>'; wisdom[396]='
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.<\/div>'; wisdom[397]='
I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.<\/div>'; wisdom[398]='
I\'m not your type. I\'m not inflatable.<\/div>'; wisdom[399]='
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.<\/div>'; wisdom[400]='
When you work here, you can name your own salary. I named mine, "Fred".<\/div>'; wisdom[401]='
Money isn\'t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.<\/div>'; wisdom[402]='
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.<\/div>'; wisdom[403]='
I like cats too. Let\'s exchange recipes.<\/div>'; wisdom[404]='
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.<\/div>'; wisdom[405]='
I am having an out-of-money experience.<\/div>'; wisdom[406]='
Don\'t sweat the petty things. Don\'t pet the sweaty things.<\/div>'; wisdom[407]='
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!<\/div>'; wisdom[408]='
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.<\/div>'; wisdom[409]='
I have never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. <\/div>
—Thoreau<\/div>';